I faked an abortion last night.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
