State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
