I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
