I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
