Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
