It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
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New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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