And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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