I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
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so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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