Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
