After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
