Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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