coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
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I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
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New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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