Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
