There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
All I want is dick and wine.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
