Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.