Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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