My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.