i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."