That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
