so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
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