you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
