You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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