just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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