So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
