I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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