Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
