3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
