i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
