youre lurking in front of me
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
