Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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