Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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