i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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