You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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