the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
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Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
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You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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