Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
