I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
