sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
