Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
