Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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