i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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