Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
