The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
