shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
