My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
