I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
