Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize