So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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