Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
