Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
