Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
