the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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