dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
