you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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