they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
