i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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