I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
