I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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