My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
