Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
