Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Randomize
