I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
