Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
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I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
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This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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