i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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