Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Alive.
So much puke
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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