when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
