His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
