She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
