arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
