That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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