Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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