I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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