I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
