I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
