Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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