last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
