Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Randomize
