All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
