Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
