So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
