A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
