i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Randomize
